Perfect

Alice Walker: “In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful.”

Ah, the curse of perfectionism. It manifests as a stubborn clinging to attain the best possible outcome in order to feel secure. Who are we trying to be perfect for? Do more, be more, achieve more, work-out more, drive yourself to the limit; or on the opposite side of the spectrum: why even bother to try in the first place? Perfectionism can keep you stuck in many ways. Stuck in judgement, stuck in fear, stuck in never being "good enough."

In my observation of perfectionism, it seems to be a side effect of wanting approval. Perhaps if we are perfect, (however we perceive this) we can finally take that deep breath, attain happiness, and know that others are proud of us. Maybe it's a pattern that began in childhood, through the family dynamic - then became magnified in society. Have you ever heard, "You don't need to try your best. Oh, that's ok, honey - just be happy to be mediocre." No. And if you have, well...I'd like to meet these people.

Perfectionism is a state of deranged Pitta, ayurvedically speaking. The dosha (meaning that which is quick to go out of balance) Pitta is made up of the elements FIRE and WATER. When in balance, Pitta people are goal-oriented, discerning, motivated, and natural leaders. When out of balance, they tend to be critical, bossy, sarcastic, hot tempered perfectionists. Pitta people can be hardest on themselves and this can lead to the out of balance state of perfectionism. We all have Pitta in us to a certain degree. It's important to notice when the imbalance occurs, in order to move back to a place of harmony.

How can one move back to well being? Ayurveda works with the principle of "like attracts like." So, when dealing with a particular imbalance, you would want to do the OPPOSITE of what you are currently doing. Strictly dealing with the mind and emotions, Pitta people are encouraged to meditate, express their emotions in a healthy way, be in nature, "chill out", and rest. This is easier said than done, however. When a predominating dosha manifests, it's very difficult to choose the opposite. A Pitta constitution thrives on this intensity of thought and emotion. To try and tell a PItta to relax and mediate... well, trust me, it's not going to go over smoothly.

In order to be in a state of balance, one must have the courage to change patterns that lead to disharmony. As Anna Quindlen states,"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

: )

Open Your Heart

Florida Scott-Maxwell:
"Life does not accomodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition."

How do you find a sense of comfort when the ground beneath you seems to be disappearing? Why do we attempt to find meaning and safety in life when things go terribly wrong (our perception)? To accept life as a swirling container of beauty within destruction while maintaining a sense of hope and happiness - that is a sobering reality.

I once read an article about pain and suffering and how we humans like to hide from it, run from it, and avoid it at all costs. I looked at my own life, and saw how I protected myself and refused vulnerability. The article laid it out in no uncertain terms: You will be hurt, you will be disappointed, people will let you down, things won't work out, bad things will happen for no reason. Wow. It was too much, yet something within knew it was true. I began to live my life with this understanding and more importantly, from a place of acceptance. I would attempt to be a willing participant with an open heart the best I could, while knowing pain could be just around the corner.

In our society, closed hearts are abundant. You may even recognize the pattern physically in yourself. Shoulders rounded forward, pain in -between the shoulder blades, tight chest muscles and shallow breaths that don't really ever move past the diaphragm. Emotionally, there may be lack of self love or inability to receive/give love, anxiety, grief, panic and an all over absence of coherence.

Yogi Julian Walker states, " Difficult things happen in life, and sometimes it has no meaning, sometimes it is nobody's fault.  This is terrifying and humbling...my suggestion is to sit with it as part of your practice. Be moved by it. Feel what it brings up for you. Love the people around you more deeply in the knowledge that none of us are immune to the power of nature. Find meaning in your life on a daily basis in the knowledge that this is all we have."

We have been through very difficult and confusing times recently. It is not easy to accept these realities and deal with them 'real'istically. However, when you choose to welcome life as an uncertain existence - a crazy, heartbreaking, heart opening, joyful, terrifying, sad, beautiful blip in time; your heart might open just a bit. You may find yourself an anchor in the choppy seas of daily life. And you may be able to just BE with it and actually find comfort in the chaos.

Let Love Rule

Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart:
"Care flowing through your system gradually reconnects you with your spirit and vitality. Care enough about yourself to go to your heart to get peace, clarity, and direction before you act. True self-care has to come first."

Many women I see as clients are true masters of putting everyone else first before themselves. The concept of self-care/love is foreign or even scary to some. I am often amazed at the level of denial my clients hold towards responding to their own needs. However, within that "tight bud" of self-neglect, there is a glimmer of hope. If they have taken the time to set up an appointment with me, there is some aspect of wisdom guiding them towards healing.

Patterns of believing we are not worthy of our own love often begin during childhood. If women then become mothers, it is very easy to give love to others. Even women without any children can very easily take care of every one else before themselves. Why is this? I encourage my clients to explore this question and understand the reasons why they deny giving love to themselves. In my own life, and as a polarity therapist - I recognize the positive effects of practicing self-love. An opening, a softening, a blossoming takes place. Energy and vitality return, breath is fuller, relationships deepened, and manifestations of MORE LOVE occur.

Certainly this can be an uncomfortable process and many don't even know how or where to begin. As cheesy as it sounds, affirmations of self-love can be very beneficial when there is resistance. Whenever we attempt to evolve or let go of old patterns, it can be challenging to change what we are used to. During these moments of difficulty, we can choose to use an affirmation to ground our feelings of helplessness. Here is an example: " I now choose to let go of anything blocking me from self-love. Loving myself heals my life. As I love myself, I nourish my mind, body and soul."

Love truly heals, and everyone deserves it - most of all: YOU.

Inner Space

Eckhart Tolle: "If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear."

Keep your inner space clear. Hmm...now that is something to ponder. I believe strongly in the notion that our thoughts have an enormous effect upon our lives. I have also talked about my opinion on stress. Stress is a result of an inner struggle within our minds about a particular thing not being satisfactory, so we then create psychic pollution. I also think that most human beings like to make life more complicated (not everyone) and so we keep circulating the same desperate thoughts over and over. Imagine the character from Peanuts, Pig- Pen, who is perpetually walking through life with a dust cloud following him. Most of us too, are walking through life with a dust cloud - a psychic dust cloud. But, we are so used to this state of being that we never notice it. Most people dislike being alone and quiet for this very reason. Our inner space is full of negativity and resistance, so we try to dull it with "noise." Noise can come in many forms and is usually a coping mechanism for keeping ourselves stuck in suffering.

Imagine a world where we choose one of the above three options. Allow yourself the power to choose something different and take responsibility for the effects of your choices. The world is in great need of conscious humans who can truly be in alignment with what supports them. If you can notice in the moment when you are resisting, allow yourself the freedom of choosing something different. It does take practice and an awareness of your own psychic dust cloud. Once it becomes habit, you can begin to choose how you want to feel and let go of the thoughts which create the inner pollution.

If we want the world to be full of peace, love, and happiness - we must begin within ourselves and the first step is within our own minds. Thoughts become reality, so we must choose wisely.

Not Knowing

Pema Chodron: "Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all."

In the world according to Tracy Liberty, I believe that a person's stress is created because of an internal struggle. A grasping, a craving - for wanting a different set of circumstances, and manifestations than what one already has. A desire to want to KNOW how, when, what, why a certain outcome will occur and believing that all will be well when it DOES occur.

It takes patience, self-compassion, and inner peace to let go of all of the above. It's interesting to ponder how uncomfortable "not knowing" makes us. I often notice many of my clients asking me to see if I can perceive something that they don't fully understand. This is part of the work I do - connecting others to their wisdom and trust; but I must allow for their own inner compass to guide them. It is human nature to want to know. But, many of us give our power away to others advice, psychics, or tarot cards because we just don't know WHAT will happen if our relationship with so and so ends. Or, will I get this job.. am I going to get sick.. should I move...should I ... could I .... I DON'T KNOW!!!

How do we make peace with not knowing? Surrender. Surrender the feelings of worry .. let go and trust in the "grand plan." Think of all of the moments in your past where you didn't know, and how magical it was when everything fell into place. Controlling and planning can come in handy sometimes.. but it's usually when we take our hands off of the steering wheel that something unexpected happens. Who are we to say or know what is best for us? Sure, have an vision for what you want, but then allow for anything to happen.

Sounds scary, doesn't it? It's ok. Just allow yourself to not know and let go.

Laughter

Anonymous:
"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

You know how they say that 'laughter is the best medicine' ?  I believe it! In my bodywork practice, the clients who can view their current circumstances with a light-hearted approach, are those who remain calm and happy. It is really a viewpoint of non judgemental compassion. How can we cultivate an awareness of ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts and not take ourselves so seriously?

I often have to consciously choose this approach in my own life. When I am able to laugh at myself and find humor in something that seems SO FRUSTRATING, I find a lightening in my own emotional vibration. It is our thoughts/emotions and the quality of them, which create our well being or our dis-ease.

So the next time you find yourself complaining, stuck, or stressed - laugh! And if you can't laugh at yourself, have compassion for your troubles and be grateful for what DOES support you in your life.

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